I read your tumblr and sometimes, I wonder to myself. Who is it that you’re talking to?
When was the last time, I wonder? That there was a post about me.
From the day I met you, it never crossed my mind that I would one day fall so madly in love with you. And in the midst of that mad love; have to leave you. It feels like my heart’s imploding. It feels like someone’s squeezing it hard in the palm of their hand. I don’t want any of that. Why think about the future now? What will be, will be and we should let that happen, should we not?
Our hearts scream ‘yes’ as we yearn so much for each other. But our heads say otherwise. I think that planning for a future in a r/s is crucial and that’s being responsible. But right now, I don’t want to be responsible. I just want to be with you. I want nothing more than to spend every waking moment with you. When I’m not with you, I think about you. When I lay down, I look at the starry night I worked so hard to give you so we could gaze at it together. When I look to the right, I see the sweet meaningful cards you made for me as I picture you working late into the nights to make them just for me. When I look left, I imagine you there sleeping at your usual spot on the bed and pretending you’re there by leaving a little gap for your small hamster build. When I check my phone, I’m always hoping there’s a little notification that reads ‘Hi baby!’ from Hazyaffair. The only time I don’t think about you is when you’re beside me and that just feels divine. I’ve told myself never to take you for granted but in the end, I still did. I only realised this when I was about to lose you. I’ve been hard to be with, I know that. My temper’s bad and I say nasty things without thinking. But I want you to know that I feel really bad every time it happens. It’s not an excuse I’m making to cover up my flaws. I just want you to know I never ever meant to hurt you in any way at all.
I love you deeply and I want to be with you. But I worry for you, my baby. For it is you that has everything to lose in this r/s. I want to be fair to you. It hurts badly. But can we really continue like this will last forever? Tell me we can.
I’ve never written that ‘book’ for you. I really wanted to. Maybe now I can finally get it started. It will be of you and me and these fairytale days we’ve lived.
HAPPY SAINT VALENTINE’S DAY TO YOU TOO MY PIGGY HAMSTER PIGGY HAMSTER HAMSTER HAMSTER PIGGY HAMSTER!
Hahaha baby. The last part was a total moment killer. But this is so US! LOVE** NOT ANAL.
